You’d think with all the talking and texting that we do on a daily basis, we’d be pretty good at communicating with each other. But the truth is, most of us never actually learned how to communicate and many of us have picked up some pretty bad habits along the way.

Poor communication can be harmful in both your personal relationships and your professional goals. The good news is, there’s a lot of great research out there and if we put on those thinking caps we stored away so long ago, we could actually make things a lot easier for ourselves.

Let’s start by briefly looking at how we got here.

How did you learn how to communicate?

We learned how to speak as toddlers from our caregivers who, like most people, probably never learned how to communicate well either. As we progressed through school, most of our learning about communication was informal -- we learned through trial and error and by talking to the people around us.

This sink or swim method only works well under the perfect conditions. It usually results in picking up some bad habits and coping strategies.

I don’t say any of this to discourage you. Instead, I want you to let this sink it. You probably didn’t learn useful communication strategies, and neither did most of the people around you.

Take this opportunity to give yourself some grace.

Now, take this opportunity to dig in and get excited about leveling up on another indispensable life skill.

Workplace Communication

At its core, workplace communication is how leaders, employees, and coworkers exchange information and ideas. All communication can be broken down into two categories:

Verbal communication refers to the words and tone we use to express ourselves in person, via email, and over the phone.
Non-verbal communication refers to the facial expressions, body language, energy, eye contact, etc. that go along with what we’re saying, both in person and over zoom.

Effective workplace communication, just like any other communication, requires people to be intentional with their words and interested in how those words are received by the other party.

In this article, I discuss three common pitfalls that contribute to poor and sometimes harmful communication. Then, I’ll give you new strategies to try out.

Please keep in mind; the strategies won’t work all the time.

Why?

Well, you could do everything flawlessly and by the book but since communication always involves two people, you can’t control every aspect of it. And, as we talked about, most people haven’t learned how to communicate. On top of that, not having enough sleep, being hungry, and feeling anxious are just a few of the things that can make communication even more difficult.

If you learn nothing else today, remember this: when communication starts to go south, stop, reflect, and try something different.

The suggestions I’m about to share will increase the chances that you’ll be able to communicate effectively. When communication works well, people feel heard and are much more effective at their jobs.

With that, let’s crack on to some common pitfalls and discuss how to avoid them.

Pitfall #1: Using Fuzzy Language

Let’s start with a practical example:

Google the word “culture” and notice how many results come back.

Each result has a different definition and a different perspective on what the word means. Same rings true for most words, processes, and ideas.

Despite this fact, people often forget that definitions vary widely. This results in unclear goals and expectations, which of course, leads people to completely different pages and often results in miscommunication.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

He’s supposed to be the boss but he seems so “unprofessional.”
Her understanding of a “sales process” is completely wrong.
My sales team should know what “customer service” means.
I asked him for a “progress report” and he did this instead.

The problem is, we assume that some words are clear and that other people have the same definitions as us when in fact, a lot of our “common” words can be quite fuzzy and vague.

When this pitfall happens in relation to something important at work, we are immediately setting the stage for failure due to miscommunication and a lack of clarity.

New strategy: Clear Language

Use the “STRAM” model. It’s similar to SMART … but smarter!

The STRAM model was created by Ken Blanchard as a goal-setting tool, but I find it’s a very useful tool for communication.

This is how you put it into practice:

When you’re starting a new business relationship, a new project, or assigning a goal, ensure your communication with all parties is:

Specific: Everyone is on the same page regarding what a good job looks like. Create a list of deliverables, standard specifications, whatever you need, but make sure these metrics are crystal clear.

Trackable: Figure out how you’re going to measure progress and success. What numbers will you be tracking and where are you going to document this?

Relevant: Make sure everyone understands how what you’re working on contributes to the bigger mission or vision. This part should feel good.

Attainable: Does everyone agree that the plan is realistic and achievable? If not, figure out if the plan needs to be adjusted, or agree on appropriate support structures..

Motivating: Your shared communication should create energy around the project, not zap it. Pay attention to how people are responding (or not responding).

Leave no expectations unset and make sure to be clear about what your words mean. There should be no room for misinterpretation of expectations.

Examples:

Are you expecting someone to follow up with you?

Let them know exactly what that follow up should look like and why it matters that it happens that way.

Have you been given an assignment?

Ask the question: “What does a good job on this assignment look like?”

The power of bagging fuzzy language and taking time to clarify and align on a shared definition of success cannot be underestimated.

Pitfall #2: Making Assumptions

This may sound strange, but we constantly tell ourselves stories about the way things are.

Naturally, we rely on our own perspective to make sense of situations we face in business and in life – but our ability to storytell goes way beyond that. We are such good storytellers that we don’t just make up stories for ourselves. We make up stories for others, too.

Can you relate to any of these thoughts?

My sales rep only cares about the bottom line and that’s why he’s bad at customer service.
This team member is lazy and that’s why he doesn’t follow up the way he should.
Her report is short. She must not care about her job.

Our thoughts and assumptions are so powerful that we can create full blown lives, thoughts, and intentions for the people around us…without ever asking them. This is not only disrespectful but causes us to miss out on important information and insights.

New Strategy: Be Curious

This strategy is two-fold.

Part one: Learn to recognize and test your assumptions.

When that voice in your head starts to storytell, take a moment to figure out where the story is coming from. Make it a game to poke holes in your story to see how it holds up in your mind’s court of law. If the story isn’t based on facts, you need to gather more information and rewrite the story.

Let’s examine the first example from above: “My sales rep only cares about the bottom line and that’s why he’s bad at customer service.”

Instead of assuming, get curious:

I wonder if he values good customer service?
I’m curious about his definition of customer service?
What’s his perspective on how he’s doing with customer service?
How familiar is he with the company’s customer service standards?

Chances are, your assumption is incorrect and having a conversation could improve the situation. That leads us to part two.

Part two: Ask questions.

You’ve poked holes in your story and realized there’s something amiss. The next step is to start a conversation.

The only way to truly gain insight and full perspective is to listen to the perspective of others.

I suggest posing your curiosities with the intention that everyone should win. Think of this as a way to correct your story, uncover deeper character traits, and push it toward a happy ending.

Using our customer service example, you could ask the following questions:

How is customer service going for you?
I noticed that you and I have different approaches. Would you be interested in comparing notes?
How familiar are you with the company's customer service standards? Reviewing them has helped me uphold my customer service.

Coming from a place of curiosity opens the door to a more positive interaction that can be informative and helpful for both parties.

Pitfall #3: Constructive Criticism

Say it with me folks: “Constructive criticism is a facade.”

That’s right. We’ve been practicing “constructive criticism” for our entire adult lives and as it turns out, it’s actually pretty harmful. Constructive criticism is nothing more than judgment with a little lipstick on it. And nobody wants to be judged.

To figure out why constructive criticism does more harm than good, let’s call on neuroscience research dating all the way back to our more primitive years and the idea of fight, flight or freeze.

The reason “criticism” immediately makes you bristle is because it’s inherently negative and almost always given in a way that’s personal, not objective. To say it in another way: Our brains react to criticism in the same way they would to being confronted by a saber-toothed tiger. We immediately get defensive. That could take the form of running away, shutting down, or pretending everything is ok when it’s really not.

New Strategy: Give Feedback

The new and improved word and process for criticism is “feedback.”

I define feedback as information about the past or present that influences change in the present or future.

Before you go thinking that this is all semantics, notice I also said process. There are proven and specific methods of giving both positive and constructive feedback that allow our brains to be more receptive.

To be truly effective, feedback must:

Be objective: Include facts or data
Be relevant: It must be put into context
Be actionable: It must be something that can be improved upon

To learn more about how to give effective feedback, check out our article called Five Ways to Stop Bullying in the Workplace.

Depending on the situation you can also add your point of view – feelings, thoughts, assumptions, judgments, etc. Most people just give their point of view and skip the rest.

By giving feedback that is objective, relevant, and actionable, you can more easily instigate change without causing someone to get defensive.

Conclusion: Three Pitfalls in Workplace Communication and How to Avoid Them

So much of our communication pitfalls stem from our belief that since we’ve had so much practice, communication doesn’t need to be refined.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. A little planning and intention goes a long way.

Instead of using language that could be misinterpreted, use a framework to make sure your communication is clear and your expectations are explicit.

Instead of making assumptions about other people’s motivations, question the voice in your head and take the initiative to be curious about others.

Instead of delivering constructive criticism that puts people on defense, provide feedback that actually helps people and improves the team.

Start incorporating these new strategies into your daily communication practices and watch as your words become more easily understood and your relationships become easier.

Are you ready to create positive, lasting changes to your workplace communication? Schedule a time to chat with us about how we can help.

Three Pitfalls in Workplace Communication (and How to Avoid Them)