Befriending Fear at Work (P2)
Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Learn to Recognize Fear Earlier
In part one, we normalized fear. [Read Part 1 →]
The second part of befriending fear is awareness.
Developing the ability to recognize fear as it moves through your system.
There are various opportunities to notice fear. Different entry points for awareness.
You can think of this as an awareness arc.
And the earlier we recognize fear, the more choice we have in how we respond.
Fear Begins as Sensation
Remember, the brain is constantly scanning for potential threats.
When something is perceived as threatening, the nervous system mobilizes automatically.
And the first place this shows up is in the body.
Before words. Before conscious thought.
As sensation.
A tightening in the chest.
A knot in the stomach.
Shallow breathing.
Shoulders rising toward the ears.
Jaw clenching.
A sudden surge of urgency or agitation.
This happens quickly, often outside of awareness.
In many cases, the body registers fear long before the mind.
But most leaders are not trained to notice this.
We are taught to develop intellectual intelligence—how to analyze, strategize, and solve problems.
Far fewer people are taught how to notice what is happening inside their own nervous system.
Recently, the idea of Body Intelligence (sometimes called BQ) has started gaining attention.
It points to something simple:
The body carries information.
Fear is one of the signals it communicates.
This is our earliest opportunity to recognize fear.
Behavior: When Fear Becomes Visible
If the sensations go unnoticed, fear moves into behavior.
The nervous system activates protective strategies designed to keep us safe: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
Each one is driven by a simple instinct.
Fight — neutralize the threat
Pushing harder. Arguing your point. Interrupting. Tightening control.Flight — get away from the threat
Avoiding conversations. Changing the subject. Staying busy. Delaying decisions.Freeze — stay still until the threat passes
Going quiet. Struggling to find words. Feeling mentally blank.Fawn — appease the threat
People pleasing. Softening the truth. Keeping everyone comfortable.
These responses are usually automatic, which means we often experience them before we realize what is happening.
This is another opportunity for awareness.
We may not catch the sensation—but we can begin to notice the behavior.
On the surface, we might call these communication challenges or personality patterns.
Underneath, fear is often present.
Hindsight: Awareness After the Moment
For many leaders, awareness first shows up after the moment has passed.
After the meeting.
After the conversation.
We replay what happened and try to make sense of it.
Why did I react that way?
Why did I avoid that conversation?
Why did I push so hard?
This is a natural instinct.
The brain is wired to solve problems.
But with fear, the “why” question can quietly turn fear into something to fix.
Fear is not a problem.
Fear is information.
A more useful shift is toward curiosity.
What was happening inside of me?
What was behind my reaction?
What did my system perceive as a threat?
What was fear trying to tell me?
Awareness can also come through feedback.
Someone reflecting back what they noticed.
A reaction you didn’t see in the moment.
This is still part of the awareness arc.
Even after the fact, recognition builds understanding.
Building Awareness
There are multiple opportunities to recognize fear.
In the body.
In behavior.
In hindsight.
Most people begin in hindsight.
With practice, awareness expands—
from reflection… to behavior… to sensation.
Recognizing fear earlier gives leaders more space to choose how they respond.
And that is where a different relationship with fear begins to take shape.
It starts here.
Noticing.