Sitting in the Fire as a Leader (P1)
The Experience of Vulnerability
Being human is vulnerable.
Researcher Dr. Brené Brown gave us language to describe what happens when we experience uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
She calls it vulnerability.
And it's part of everyday life.
Every time we have a difficult conversation.
Every time we try something new.
Every time share our feelings.
Every time we make a decision without knowing how things will turn out.
We're experiencing vulnerability.
Vulnerability isn't an emotion. It's an experience.
One that can activate all sorts of emotions, thoughts, and protective responses.
Fear. Vulnerability seems like a threat.
Shame. That we'll be exposed. Not smart enough. Not skilled enough. Not worthy enough. Not (fill in the blank) enough.
Anxiety. Ruminating on everything that could go wrong.
Anger. A common reaction to vulnerability.
And then there are the stories we tell ourselves.
I’m weak. This makes me weak.
I shouldn’t be struggling with this.
A good leader doesn’t feel uncomfortable, weird, or awkward.
No one else has this experience - I’m not _____ enough.
Before we know it, our protective systems are hard at work.
We defend.
We avoid.
We please.
We control.
We withdraw.
We overplan.
All in an effort to find relief from the discomfort of being vulnerable.
And much of this happens on autopilot.
We don't necessarily stop to consider whether our response aligns with our values, commitments, or the person we want to be.
We're simply trying to feel better.
This is where vulnerability can pull us out of integrity.
Not because we lack integrity.
Because we're human.
And without awareness, our efforts to escape discomfort can quietly shape our choices.
Sitting in the Fire™ is an invitation to develop a more conscious relationship with vulnerability.
To recognize what's happening within us.
To bring compassionate understanding to our very human responses.
And to create enough space to choose integrity over relief.
The discomfort may still be there. The difference is that it no longer has to make our choices for us.
An Invitation to Reflect
Think about a recent experience of vulnerability.
What emotions showed up?
What stories did you tell yourself?
And what did you feel compelled to do to find relief?